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While I often talk about what we do during our homeschool time – the fun, the silly, and the learning – there are many days and nights that I feel snippets of doubt creep into my heart. Even though it may seem to others that I am secure in who I am, I struggle along with many in questioning my abilities and allowing fear to hold me captive.
This most often happens in the wee hours of the night, when sleep eludes me, but things spoken by others come back to my mind. Questions plague me. And usually they aren’t encouraging.
Doubts that we aren’t doing enough academically. Belief that I am a poor mother. Feelings of inadequacy.
And the list goes on.
The dark of night and the surrounding silence makes those words seem much louder and somehow more true, even though they are not. It makes it difficult to distinguish them for what they really are – lies.
My heart races. My eyes blur with tears.
Then the fog in my mind begins to clear as a still, small voice quiets the words that are trying to choke out the truth of who I am as a wife, a mother, a teacher to my children, and a child of God.
Verses and songs come to mind and I quietly repeat them. Over and over again. Declaring TRUTH over the lies.
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“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7
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“I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5
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“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
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“Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.” Colossians 3:2
What verses do you dwell on to speak truth into your life? Can you leave one today and encourage another today?
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Be gracious to me, O God, for man tramples on me; all day long an attacker oppresses me; my enemies trample on me all day long, for many attack me proudly. When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. Psalm 56:1-3 emphasis on verse 3 :-)
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2Cornithians 12:9
thanks, Mary!
I needed to hear this today, thanks
There’s another one that I need to add. :)
Drat. I was hoping that the doubt would go away after a few years. It’s been a hard first year for me with that. I’ve been hunkering down some and trying to surround myself with people who understand and approve instead of the other kind because I feel more fragile…
We were at a dinner one night {at another church} when a lady at our table began quizzing my kids on history facts – and why they didn’t know _____ {because HER grandson did}. Sometimes you just have to bite your tongue. I completely understand surrounding yourself with others who understand. :) The doubt isn’t constant, but every now and then it hits and tries to stick. I just need to continually remind myself with Scripture and encouragement. Hang in there, Ellen – praying for you today.
“For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake, but My
lovingkindness will not be removed from you, and my covenant of peace
will not be shaken,” says the Lord who has compassion on you. Isaiah
54:10 Also, when I opened my Nook Bible to get my reference, it was
turned to Psalm 130 which is also very applicable! :)
I needed this today! I am just beginning our journey with my two and my four year old who is ready to read. As I am planning our year and although I am a teacher and have taught many children to read and so forth, I am plagued with inadequacy in teaching my own children. Sometimes I feel paralyzed with the weight of the responsibility…’if I don’t teach it to them they will never know it and I’ll really mess them up’ kind of thoughts. This scripture has ministered to me in many situations throughout my life and I cling to it when I think of being my children’s teacher.
2 Corinthians 9:8
And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work.
P.S. I also need to remember not to compare myself to others…Jesus doesn’t compare me!
amen, girl!! Comparison can be SUCH a joy stealer!!
What a timely post. :) I’ve been feeling the same way. The verse that I bought a print of is “Whatever is True, Noble, Right, Pure, Lovely, Admirable – if anything is Excellent, Praiseworthy, think on such things.” Philippians 4:8
For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose”- Romans 8:28.
Happened to stumble upon that one by mistake, it seems; but it has always been helpful to remember this one during trying times.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. (Isaiah 55.8)
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29.11)
I just try to remember only God knows what our children need, not the little old lady, the well meaning neighbour or the head teacher at the local school. Only God.
Your words reminded me of this verse, which has always been one of my favorites: “When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches. Because You have been my help, Therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice.” Psalm 63:6-7. Thank you for being so real – it’s really helpful to be reminded that we all struggle with this kind of stuff. :)
LOVE that verse!
Reference? “This too shall pass.”
Isa
41:10 – ” So do not worry because I am with you. Don’t be afraid,
because I am your God. I will make you strong and I will help you; I
will support you with my right hand that saves you.”
Psalm 73:24 – “You guide me with your counsel and lead me to a glorious destiny.
2 John verse 6 – “…as you have heard from the beginning, His command is this: Live a life of love.”
1
Corinthians 13: 4-8: Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it
des not brag, and it is not proud. Love is not rude, it is not selfish,
and does not get upset with others. Love des not count up wrongs that
have been done. Love takes no pleasure over evil but rejoices over the
truth. Love patiently accepts all things, it always trusts, always
hopes, and always endures. Love never ends.
And of course: God is love.
And….Love your neighbor as you love yourself.
Finally:
Give me a clean heart o Lord.
Number my days so that I may present you a heart of wisdom.
Thank you Lord for your amazing grace and forgiveness.
P.S. some references are missing….
Blessing
being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Phlippians 1:6.
(I can sing you the song from Seeds of Worship too, you may not want that part).
Those Seeds songs have helped me SO very much!!! :) Truly one of the things that I love about them!!
Thanks for sharing this. Now I know what I should be doing on sleepless nights! Reading my scriptures of course- not sitting up spinning in circles over all my insecurities. Thank you!!!!
Tami, One thing that has really helped me is music too – and learning Scripture through music. :) Seeds Family Worship has been a GREAT tool!!
Thanks for sharing this. I’m just starting to homeschool, and I’m always wondering if I’m “doing it right.” One thing the Lord really impressed upon my heart recently was to “go for it” – step out in faith and do what He’s called me to do – wholeheartedly, without fear of failure, trusting in Him. Hebrews 10:38-39: “But My righteous one shall live by faith; and if he shrinks back, My soul has no pleasure in him. But we are not of those who shrink back to destruction, but of those who have faith to the preserving of the soul.” Don’t shrink back! :-)
thanks for sharing that verse! :)